Today is St. Patty’s day and I could really use some luck of the Irish.
Because let’s just face it, this is all about luck.
Cancer doesn’t care how much you fight or how hard you try, either you are lucky or you are not.
I knew a lot of truly amazing individuals who simply didn’t have luck on their side.
Right now I don’t feel so lucky. I was dealt a pretty crappy hand and it is starting to feel like the game was rigged right from the beginning.
But on the other hand, perhaps I was super lucky to have beat five cancers and defied many odds. As far as my oncologist is concerned, she’s pretty shocked that I am still here. Maybe I am pretty lucky. I just hope I didn’t reach my limit.
I have always loved St. Patrick’s day. Although Leprechauns kind of freak me out. I am not Irish, as both my parents are Italian. However I think the Irish and the Italians are pretty similar. For starters, the Irish flag virtually just looks like it started off red, was discoloured by the sun and turned orange. They both start with the letter “I,” and both the Italians and the Irish love food (Guinness is a food, right?).
Plus, by virtue of marriage, I am partly Irish now anyway. So there.
As such, I am banking on some good old fashioned Irish luck.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with a brain mets doctor and I will be advocating for myself. Sometimes it is tiring, frustrating and intimidating to advocate on your behalf, but it’s necessary. I know I am looking at whole brain radiation (that is what is going to be suggested), but I will be pushing for Gamma knife or Cyber knife radiosurgery. Sounds pretty friggin scary, I know. Call me crazy, but I would rather not fry my entire brain as a first step though. We will see what ensues. I will be committed and remain strong in my research and beliefs. I will keep you all updated.
I can become entangled in a web of fear, what ifs and worse case scenarios, which will inevitably occur with or without my consent. But for now, I am simply going to focus on that pot of gold that I hope to find at the end of the rainbow.
Health, love, and leprechauns.