And the countdown is on.
Thought I would update you all on how I am doing during my whole brain radiation. I have had three days of frying my brain and seven more to go.
The actual procedure itself is painless. You don’t feel a thing and it lasts about a minute. However there’s this really weird smell of burnt plastic in the room when the radiation comes on. I thought I was going crazy but it turns out almost everyone comments on the smell. Kids think it smells like farts.
Another peculiar thing is that you must keep your eyes open during the zapping. Of course I had to ask why, and I was told that it is to protect my lens. Cataracts could be an issue down the road. But they said that blinking was okay. Well, you know me, I have to defy the conventions. So literally I kept my eyes open the entire time without blinking when I found out this information on the second day of treatment. The girl said “wow, I have never seen someone go that long without blinking before, that’s impressive, but you know you can blink, right?” Yup, I do.
On day one of radiation I had a bit of a headache and that was it. Naturally, I figured it couldn’t be that easy. Day two and three brought on more headaches and some nausea, which I absolutely hate. Just imagine that when I had major abdominal surgery where I underwent the removal of two organs (my uterus and right kidney) I refused the epidural as well as taking minimal amounts of pain medication just to avoid nausea as much as I could. I did the same thing for my neck surgery too. That time I had the pain management team come in and scold me about four times, saying I needed the pain meds. The nurses were all in awe of my high pain tolerance and the fact that I was hardly pushing the pain pump. One day I hadn’t pushed it once. This paints a nice picture of how much I hate nausea and not eating.
Fortunately I have been able to control the nausea with ginger and ginger gravol. However I must say that a ketogenic diet is very difficult to do while on radiation treatment. Just the thought of meat and fish and a high fat diet makes me sick right now. All I am craving is carbs: bread, pasta, crackers, you name it. Garrett had a croissant the other day and I thought I was going to die of carb envy. Watching them eat bread at dinner, I literally feel like yanking it from them and imagining how good it would taste. Visions of carbohydrates floating in my head. My mom, who is awesome, has made me some organic chicken soup, and I have been good with that. I am good with smoothies and green juices, but my appetite is definitely not normal and not as ketogenic-like as it should be. After the radiation is over I will go at that full force.
As for the headaches, they pretty much last all day. I have this really annoying pain on one side of my head and eye. I take Tylenol every so often.
Luckily though I met with the radiation oncologist and he said that given how I am managing things right now, that I should not need steroids. That is exciting! I may not be Hulk Sabrina after all. Although I think Bruce Banner turned into the Hulk due to radiation and a lot of anger. I have the radiation thing under my belt already and I am becoming quite enraged every time someone eats a breadstick, so who knows, She-Hulk may be on her way.
And then there’s the hair thing. So I should start losing it a couple of days after my last treatment. I know my hair doesn’t define me, although I do love it because it’s really pretty. I think the hardest part about losing it is that it now forces me to look at my reflection every day and see a sick person staring back. This is the most troubling part. For the past two years I have had an incurable cancer but I never once felt or looked sick. It is extremely difficult to look in the mirror at a bald head due to cancer treatments and not see yourself as ill. I do have my sassy wig which I will be getting styled on Saturday, however it is a subconscious feeling that I have to shake off.
As long as the radiation works (since sarcomas tend to be radiation resistant buggers, of course they do, since that would just be too easy) then everything else will slowly start falling into place.
For now I am going to try and enjoy the gorgeous weather. Tomorrow will be day four.
Health, love, and counting down the days.