Hello loyal readers!
I have missed all of you. I have to confess that the fatigue, the overall weakness and the general anger and irritability have kept me away.
I am working on getting myself back in shape, both physically and mentally. Unfortunately cancer and all its nasty side effects do not simply manifest themselves in the physical form, but rather they also wreak havoc on our psyche and mental wellbeing. The gift that just keeps on giving.
What I have realized throughout my long and arduous cancer journey spanning 32 years is that sometimes it’s okay to be pissed off and angry at the world or to want to kill the next healthy person that tells you to be positive and thankful for what you have. It’s okay to vent or cry, this doesn’t mean we are weak. Our bravery and strength is not defined by our happy face or constant smile. It’s much more meaningful than that. Our courage does not decrease if we don’t aimlessly walk around with a positive attitude at all times. Sometimes life hurts and it’s okay to feel that way. Our strength in facing cancer or hard times is embedded deep within us and it gives us the courage and resilience to move on despite the bad days. A bad day, week or month does not affect our bravery or determination to beat this dreadful disease.
Obviously we need to move past our bad days, our sadness and our anger. However we must do this on our own time. No one can really feel or experience what we are feeling so no one is qualified to fix the issue. No one but us. We have to work through it. Of course the support is always appreciated, but ultimately it is up to us to fix the issue at hand.
And we will. We won’t let cancer win, not to worry. But the journey will involve crying and homicidal rages every so often. I’ve been there, done that. It’s completely normal. And truthfully speaking, individuals with cancer or that have gone through extreme difficulty in their lives generally tend to put life into perspective much better than the average person and they are more thankful and appreciative of the good in life.
Now for some light at the end of a dark tunnel, I do not have cancer in my stomach. Booya!! Although given my history and current disease, it was believed to be a cancerous mass, but the biopsy revealed it is not the Big C. It is referred to as a desmoid tumour, and the way it stands currently, there will be no surgery to remove it. Thank the heavens as I was dreading another major surgery.
So you see right now I am focusing on this great news and am extremely thankful. However it doesn’t mean I can’t have a bad day or a rough time every now and then. That’s just life with metastatic cancer. But for now, I am all smiles 😊
Health, love and good days.