When it rains, it pours.

Nope, I am not referring to the lousy, dreary weather we have had recently. As I type this, the sun is sort of out, so clearly the weather is not the issue.

I am talking about those times when you feel like bad things keep happening, you just can’t seem to catch a break no matter what.

Well this is how cancer patients or those with ailing health tend to feel every time they visit with their oncologist or medical team. The kind of phrases that circulate in the patient’s mind after receiving repeated dismal news usually begin and end with that special four letter word. No, not crap or shit. You get the point.

This is how I feel today. This day deserves a giant WTF?!

Apparently Mildred has taken her cancer party to a whole other level. She’s decided to make life increasingly difficult for me and kicked things up a notch.  It appears as though the cancer has metastasized to my brain, at least that is what the most recent imaging suggests.

Next to being told that they will stop making size five shoes, having cancer go to my brain was the worst thing I could be told.

There are still many questions that remain unanswered and steps to be taken going forward. I am currently in the initial stage of processing the information. I can tell you that things do not look good when you have cancer in the brain, that’s pretty much a no brainer, so lame I know.  However being me and representing a  complete challenge to the entire medical community, I refuse to let numbers and statistics stand in my way. I was never a numbers girl to begin with. Come on, everyone knows that people who don’t like math end up in law school, duh! And plus how much cooler would I be if I could defy the odds and live with cancer in my brain for a long time, or have it go away completely which is statistically impossible. So cool, right?

Now do not think for a second that I am not scared like hell because I absolutely am. I had my meltdown earlier and I am sure there will be plenty more where those came from. But I plan to fight like hell too. That’s what we cancer people do.

It’s not like I am Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking, but the one thing I feared was to have cancer invade my brain or central nervous system. My cognitive thinking, thought processes, speech, motor skills, and especially my writing. Those are all off limits. There will be a lot of angry people out there if I can no longer write this blog. So despite being upset, scared, sad, confused and totally pissed off, I am also going to fight back. Oh it’s go time!

I have defied odds already, so what’s stopping me now, a little brain cancer, screw you I say!

Well at least they still make size five shoes, right? Perhaps a little leather pick me up is in order. Nothing says “things will be fine” like some new fabulous footwear. Shoe goals people.

Another perfect time to reach into my purse and pull out the good old cancer card. It was getting a little dusty.

In the meantime, now that the rain has stopped, I will wait for my rainbow.

Health, love and rainy days.

xo

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I Reached Into My Purse and Pulled Out the “Cancer Card”

Cancer sucks. We can all agree on that. And metastatic cancer really sucks – you can take my word for it. You were dealt a really crappy hand when you got cancer, but one of those cards just happens to be the infamous “cancer card.”

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When you have cancer, you are automatically given a “cancer card.” It’s part of the membership to the “Cancer Club.” With the “cancer card” you can milk your diagnosis for what it’s worth. And why wouldn’t you, really? You’ve earned it!

Don’t judge us, you know you would do the same.

Now, I’m not saying the “cancer card” can get you out of everything. You still have to pay your taxes, find yourself a job, wait in line when Christmas shopping, follow the law (and obey rules, regulations, and bylaws), pay for things, and it can’t get you out of having cancer, either (bummer, I know).

And you shouldn’t abuse the “cancer card.” That’s just wrong. It’s for those well-needed breaks. The times when you just become overwhelmed and can’t deal with everything, and you need a little help.

So when can you pull out your “cancer card”, you might wonder? Here are a few instances when doing so is deemed appropriate and beneficial:

1. You need an MRI, CT scan, or test of any kind…….with the “cancer card” you get top priority.

2. When you want to take a nap during the day or sleep in a little longer…. I’m feeling really tired, it must be the cancer. Cancer card.

3. When you are losing an argument with your significant other….I can’t think straight right now, it’s probably my chemo brain. Note that this can also work when you can’t figure out a Crossword puzzle or Sudoku.

4. When you want to get out of doing the dishes, cancer card it up. Sorry, I just don’t have any energy lately. I think I’m just going to sit here and rest.

5. When you really feel like going out for dinner or ice cream….…The “cancer card” coupled with the “I have cancer face” is really hard to say no to.

6. For all those other times that you may deem it necessary…Uh, cuz I have cancer, duh?

I don’t want to list too many, as that might just make you feel guilty.

Oh, and the other good thing about the “cancer card” is that you can joke about having and using it (kinda like I did in this blog post).

Anyway, I’m off to make some dinner, I’m not going to use the “cancer card” for this one.

Love, health, and humour!
xo