Introducing Wanda

When people think about hair loss associated with cancer treatment they think of chemotherapy. People don’t generally make the association between hair loss and radiation treatment. And this assumption is mainly true as radiation treatment to your breasts or leg for example would not cause the hair on your head to fall out. However, it would cause hair loss in the area radiated. And therefore this is why individuals that undergo radiation to the brain will inevitably lose the hair on their head. 

I have now lost my hair twice over the course of my life as a result of cancer treatments. At the age of 3 due to chemotherapy treatments and most recently now due to the whole brain radiation that I underwent in April. 

It sucked then and it sucks now. 

Although it is much more difficult as we grow older. We are so much more attached to our hair and our appearance. Or perhaps I just had an unhealthy obsession with my hair. I loved my hair. It was long, shiny and super healthy. 

For whole brain radiation they say that the week following your last treatment your hair will begin to fall out, and that it takes about five days or so for it to completely fall out. Well, me being the exception to every rule, mine took over 3 weeks to fall out and some hair at the back of my head never actually fell out. I guess my hair is just as stubborn as me in the sense that it keeps fighting and refusing to die. 

I had quite the comb over though.

I went through various hair phases actually, anything ranging from looking like a scary white supremacist to a cute little old man with a little hair at the back and some fuzzies on the sides, and of course, the infamous comb over. Now I am at the point where there are lots of fuzzies on my head.

I guess these hairstyles helped to lighten the mood a bit. Additionally they also helped to show me that I might actually rock a pixie cut. Who woulda thought?

To be honest it was tough to see the hair fall out especially since it took so long in my case. However, I have to say that the worst part was the first time I put on my wig. I thought this was going to be fun and make things a little more normal. Instead, it felt anything but normal. 

It was this mop on my head. It felt like a foreign object each time I put it on. Very unnatural. Just looking at it made me upset. What made it worse is that I didn’t feel comfortable touching it or moving it. I was terrified of someone noticing it was a wig or having it fall off my head to end up looking like road kill on the side of the road or something. Plus in order for it to fit properly so that I wouldn’t feel like it was going to fall off, it had to be on the tightest setting. So it was squeezing the heck out of my head. And the absolute worst part is that the wig itself is beautiful. Virgin human hair in all its glory. This made me feel so guilty because I hated wearing it. Bottom line: it isn’t my hair. 

When I am home I typically keep the head bare in order to let the scalp breathe or sometimes I wear a little hat or headscarf. I only put the wig on when I leave the house to go somewhere other than Princess Margaret Hospital.

Well this past weekend I had my cousin’s wedding and although I haven’t really been going out, I did want to be at her wedding.

So I decided that I needed to make the wig my friend. And what better way to do that than giving the wig a name. You all know how much I love naming things, right? So I introduced Wanda to the world.

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Everyone cannot seem to get over how similar the colour is to my natural hair. And I think the more you wear it, the more comfortable you become in it. But it still feels weird.

I am not sure if others undergoing cancer treatments can relate to this, but for some strange reason every time I put Wanda on, I become filled with this overwhelming urge to tell everyone I see (including complete strangers) that I am wearing a wig. No clue why this happens. It’s almost as if I need to find ways to throw in that I am wearing a wig into normal conversations.

Random sales lady: “It’s been so hot outside lately, hasn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah I know. Really makes the wig I am wearing on my head right now feel very warm. You see this wig, right here on my head. Yeah that’s the one.”

This can get uncomfortable for some.

We will see how the hair will grow in. It could grow in a different colour or texture. It can also grow in sparse, in patches or with bald spots. I will be taking tons of vitamins to help strengthen the follicles, but in the end, anything can happen. I will aim to give you guys an update and some visuals on the growth process. Stay tuned!

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Health, love and baldness.
xo

Trying to make the best of it

Remember those times when you are getting ready for a big event and you are super excited, with butterflies in your stomach, and you just can’t sleep the night before? Well anticipating whole brain radiation is sorta like this only not in a good way. 

Tomorrow is my first treatment. 

Typically whole brain radiation treatment is done over the course of five days, but they are going to do it over 10 days for me, as smaller doses over a longer period helps to minimize adverse effects. I think I bugged them so much with all my questions that they were like “alright woman, we’ll do it over 10 days, just leave us alone already.”

Usual side effects during radiation are headaches, nausea (which I detest), fatigue,  brain swelling which will cause me to say or do weird things, and appetite changes. And then there are side effects post radiation as well. Not to mention the steroid side effects, which if all goes peachy, I might not have to be on any according to my radiation oncologist.

Now leading up to this big event, I went in on Friday for my planning CT scan as well as my mask. Yup, I get a mask out of the whole thing. Yay me!

The mask process is quite weird as they start off with this sheet of material with lots of holes in it so you can breathe when they smother it over your face and the water in it makes pliable. So then they contour your face to it while it hardens. Then they remove it and cut out two holes for your eyes and put it back on for proper fitting. The girl said to think of it as getting a facial. Perhaps if I were Jason or Freddy Krueger then it might be a really good facial. I’ve had better. Although the two girls making the mask were super nice and very friendly. Made the process easier. When I am all done, the mask is mine to keep. Was thinking it might be good to have a “trash the mask day” or perhaps it might be good as a Halloween costume. Always thinking ahead.

Here I am with my funky Jason mask . 
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Additionally due to the fact that radiation is super toxic and nasty, all of my hair will be falling out as well. Cancer is the gift that just keeps on giving.

So I went wig shopping! 

I tried on a few just to have fun with the whole thing. Not so sure how fun it will be when my hair begins to fall out in clumps, but I will manage.

I love my hair. When it’s clean it’s shiny, soft and nice. But I have to say some of these wigs felt better than my own locks. I was going to go funky with a new colour, but I might be wearing this thing for a while, so I opted for a more natural look. But I get to highlight, cut and style it still. So I won’t be revealing my new look just yet. In the meantime you can check these out so you can have a good laugh at my expense. 

Enjoy!

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Like I said, we just have to make the best of it. The more I psych myself up for this, the better it will be for me and hopefully the effectiveness of the treatment. I just need this to work.

I will let everyone know how the first session goes.

Health, love, and wigs.

Xo